


A Shinigami's Choice

by MarkusRamikin



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2020-01-05 21:17:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18374258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarkusRamikin/pseuds/MarkusRamikin
Summary: What might happen if Rem dropped the Idiot Ball and explored her options a little more. And by "a little more" I mean "at all". Some LxMisa. Complete.





	1. Commitment

_What are you going to do, Rem?_

Light glanced back at the god of death with a small, knowing smile. She was staring at him with contempt... or was it terror?

 _You may be a Shinigami_ , mused Light. _But you can't hide the fact that you care for Misa. Will you let her down after all this? Come on, think of her happiness._

He saw a confirmation of his hopes in the droop of the Shinigami's shoulders. The death god was cornered, and looked it. Light returned his gaze to the oblivious task force. It took effort to conceal his glee. _That's right, Rem. I've won. Soon I'll have beaten L and disposed of you, both in a single moment of triumph._

It would take just a little more provocation from L or the others to push Rem to do what ordinarily should have been unthinkable for her. No need for Light to stir the cauldron personally any more - with Misa out there punishing criminals again, L had all the facts he needed to put together the rope on which he'd hang himself, and take Rem with him. It shouldn't take more than a day or two; in fact, L's next words could very well be his last.

All Light had to do now was stay around to see it happen. It wouldn't do to miss some unexpected last-minute development due to overconfidence, after all. Not when he was _this close_.

* * *

This late at night, the man who wanted to be called Ryuzaki was the only one awake. Crouched on his chair as usual, spoon in hand, he was staring at the computer screen, going over information, most of which was quickly becoming outdated and useless, now that the Third Kira had been caught. Still, there might be clues regarding the real Kira in there.

He put a strawberry into his mouth, closed his eyes while chewing. He was doing what he did best, what he did always. Thinking.

"Human."

Ryuzaki flinched. He had not heard the Shinigami approach him. The last he had known, it wasn't even in the room. This was not good - he was tired. Now it was standing right behind his chair. He swallowed the strawberry first, then looked up, head thrown backwards so he could see the towering figure above him. Rem was no less fascinating a sight when viewed upside-down.

"Do all Shinigami have a form similar to yours?" He swivelled the chair around to face the monster properly.

Until now Ryuzaki had only asked it questions that were practical and directly relevant to the Kira problem. It wasn't just his usual obsession with a case. Neither was it just the fact that getting information out of Rem was a thankless task. The god of death seemed limited in what it could - or would - reveal. No, he was aware that it was defensive behaviour. The existence of Shinigami defied what he thought he knew about the universe. The first time he was made to consider the possibility, he almost blacked out; the next thing he knew, he was out of his chair and on the floor. He hadn't lost his balance like that in over a decade before that.

Yet facts were facts, not to be argued with. Perhaps it was his very sensitivity to anomalous data that made him vulnerable to that kind of a shock. If the anomaly were extreme enough. Probably. With a sample size of one, he couldn't really tell.

"No. All Shinigami that I've met would appear to you as different from me, and from each other." The slightest tone of... disapproval? Offence?

The silence before it spoke again was, in Ryuzaki's estimation, very deliberate.

"I wish to bargain with you."

The words chilled him. He had not expected this direct approach. As obvious a menace as it was, the detective had trouble seeing the "white thing over there" as a player in the game. It was a tool, under at least some degree of control of whoever the current owner of the Death Note was. Or perhaps an impartial observer from the supernatural realms, unwilling or forbidden to get actively involved. Whatever the reason, it limited itself to only the necessary conversation, and showed no real initiative. It was the embodiment of apathy.

_And now this._

Somehow the Shinigami managed to put itself effectively in his blind spot. He mentally filed this observation for later analysis. Flaws in thinking required correction.

"I must warn you that if we do not reach agreement, tonight I will write your name in my notebook."

There it was, a direct threat from a god of death. Funny how fear and hunger felt similar in the stomach.

Of course Rem would know his real name. And if it was an ally of Light Yagami, what could it want? Quitting the case, allowing Kira to continue killing unopposed, was out of the question. He'd not only be giving up on the greatest challenge he had ever accepted; now that his real name was compromised, his own life would be forever uncertain, hostage to Kira's whim. It would be a greater defeat to him than just dying, and a greater victory for Kira than he would ever contemplate allowing.

Could the Shinigami be countered? Outmanoeuvred? Could it be... killed? He desperately needed more data!

 _You're not dead yet_ , he thought to himself. _It wants to bargain. That may mean it expects only the feasible. More importantly, it also means an exploitable leverage point must exist._

Ryuzaki laid down his spoon, then stepped off the chair with practised casualness. He turned to leave, hoping the god of death would understand and follow. The room was under permanent surveillance; he had made sure of that himself. The Shinigami did not register on cameras or microphones, but Ryuzaki did. It was not likely that Light Yagami was able to tap them now from the laptop in his room, or that anyone else on the task force would end up watching the night's recordings later. But even a small advantage should not be surrendered, nor even a small risk taken, if there was nothing to be gained from it. It was in the nature of small advantages to add up.

Ryuzaki was by far too good a chess player not to know that basic fact.

* * *

Walking out into the rain, Light felt deafened by the downpour crashing into the building's roof. He raised his hand to protect his eyes, trying to make out the figure standing near the barely visible satellite dish.

"Ryuzaki! What are you doing out there by yourself?" It was easy to sound concerned. It did worry him that the detective should disappear from the building's cameras for almost an hour.

Ryuzaki stopped staring at the sky and turned around. He put a hand to his ear.

Light tried again, but it was no use. Overcoming the annoyance, he braced himself for the weather. By the time he reached the detective, he was already completely soaked.

"Ryuzaki, what are you doing out here?"

"I'm standing in the rain, Light."

"Please be serious."

Ryuzaki sighed. "I needed to stretch my legs. And maybe clear my head. Spending so much time in there has been... getting to me."

Light hadn't seen him this gloomy before, not even back when the Yotsuba investigation ran into an impasse. Perhaps the great detective could sense the trap closing around him. He wouldn't have seen the details, of course, which would make him only feel more helpless. That was likely. Did he want the God of the New World to feel pity for him?

_Too late for that, L. The guilty will be punished. And by your own actions you have been numbered among the guilty._

"What about you, Light?" Ryuzaki's gaze bore into his opponent.

"I just couldn't sleep. Then I noticed you weren't around anywhere. I wondered what you were doing." He made it sound like he had been worried.

Ryuzaki said nothing.

"Come on, we're both drenched. Are you done 'standing in the rain'? Or do I have to drag you inside."

"I appreciate your concern, Light, but that would be undignified."

Light smirked at his back as they walked inside.

* * *

As the two men disappeared into the building, Rem silently emerged from behind the satellite dish. The temptation to write down a name or two was great.

Once, Rem had been a proper god of death, one who'd steadily risen in Shinigami ranks. Many centuries ago, she'd come to understand human life as brutally short, repetitive, ultimately coming to nothing. She did not deceive herself that her own was much better. It was something to stoically accept. And while human thinkers who achieved a similar viewpoint could speak of "looking down upon suffering humanity like a hills-man on the plains", Rem had the advantage of using the Shinigami viewing portals to do that quite literally.

As Rem saw it, it was proper of Shinigami to be impartial, detached, and yet to have an appreciation of tragedy, since tragedy was inherent to all life. Whether this appreciation was due to sympathy, as Rem reluctantly admitted was her case, or whether the god of death enjoyed human sadness, like Nu, or even due to pure entertainment value, like with Ryuk, didn't matter much. Except Ryuk was too much of a meddler and not nearly detached or serious enough, which was probably why he never rose as high as Rem did, let alone Nu.

What Shinigami were not supposed to do was to get involved with those butterfly-like creatures, to invest lasting emotions in them, to truly hate them, or worse, love them. That way their tragedies became yours, you became entangled in their short, doomed lives. You found meaning, but at the cost of your peace, and you could no longer function as a proper Shinigami.

This had happened to Gelus. And now it was happening to Rem. All because of Misa Amane.

Now standing alone on the rooftop, Rem reflected on the past hour. She felt that her opinion of humanity was not improving. Lawliet had driven a hard bargain, exploiting her vulnerability to the fullest as soon as he realized what it was. He'd pointed out how killing him was futile. With an entire school of people training to be his successors, even if he died, the investigation would be picked up. They would want vengeance, and Misa would be executed. Of course, he offered no proof that this was true, as he didn't want Rem to be able to find these people and eliminate them first, but his words had the ring of truth to them; she dared not assume he was bluffing.

He was detestable. His first concern was to get as much relevant information as he could out of her; his second, to make sure Rem would not interfere and kill anyone to help his plan. He would arrange with his criminal associates that Misa's notebook would only get stolen and burned once the conflict with Light was resolved. As long as it existed, Misa could receive the death penalty, and Rem would only be able to use her Death Note for Misa's benefit if she were willing to die.

The only thing that seemed to bother Lawliet was that Rem would steal his victory from him. Rem didn't care about any of that. She just wanted to make sure Misa would come out all right, but she also wanted to live, to be able to keep watching over Misa, to protect her from men like Light, or for that matter, from men like Lawliet himself. She hated him for the way he left her with her hands tied.

The alternative was to trust Light. The same person who arranged things with devilish skill so as to take out both L and Rem at the same time. Earlier that day it seemed like the only choice for Rem, but accepting it was too much of a leap of faith. What would become of Misa after Rem was no longer around to protect her? Lawliet's assessment was probably right: the only reason Light would want Rem dead in the first place was to have Misa at his mercy. By pushing Rem to kill herself, he was as good as announcing that he wanted to have the freedom to hurt Misa if he so chose. To trust him was insanity, and it frightened her how close she'd been to making that mistake. If only she could be sure that the alternative was truly any better...

Rem looked up, exposing her face to the sky. She couldn't cry, and the rain splashing on and flowing down her features was the closest she would get to the catharsis of tears.

There were no more good outcomes for Misa or her. Should she break Misa's heart by helping Lawliet save her from Light, like she agreed to? A proper Shinigami could do that without hesitation. But for Rem, it was so tempting to just let Light win, and let the girl remain happy for a while.

She had to decide soon.


	2. Advantage

After two days of preparations, Ryuzaki found himself thinking: _this is going well_.

"What if you're wrong about my son?" Soichiro asked.

"If no attempt using a Death Note is made on my life, then you will simply be working without me in 23 days. So let's solve this case before that happens. In two weeks we'll have tested the thirteen day rule. I expect news of the arrangement to arrive today or tomorrow."

It had arrived two days before, but Watari was under orders not to let the message through to the task force yet.

"That was foolish, Ryuzaki! You didn't make certain it would work? We could at least ask the Shinigami now."

"I don't _trust_ the Shinigami. It tells us only what it wants us to know. If the current owner of the Death Note we have is Kira, then it's possible it's working directly for that person. I don't want Kira to know what I've done."

Soichiro knew that Ryuzaki was referring to his son, but that would be an old argument to pursue, especially now.

Instead he asked, "You only tore one page out? To write this down?"

"Yes. It would not be good if someone opened the actual Death Note and found my name in it. I took this page yesterday. I hid it at first, to give myself time to think about it. I was hoping to come up with a way not to use it."

"Ryuzaki... I don't like it, but you leave me no choice. I accept your plan."

"Good. If I should happen to die in the next day or two anyway, then Light is definitely Kira. You will be able to find my instructions on how to expose him like I explained yesterday."

Just then, Ryuzaki's phone rang.

"Yes? I'll be right there."

* * *

 _So that is your trump card_ , Light thought. _Too bad for you, "Ryuzaki"._

He concealed a smile behind a bored expression. _Such a sacrifice, L. So noble. And so useless. You should have been more decisive. You should not have first left that piece of the notebook unattended while you prepared yourself for death_.

Light stared at the screen in disbelief. Oh, bless L and his stupid habits, this was even better. The way the detective barely held the piece of paper with his fingers, as if it was going to bite him, in plain view of Soichiro's face, made it visible to Light as well. The camera view was not being recorded, so he'd be unable to review it frame by frame later, when the others weren't around. Still, he was certain he managed to see it right the first time.

He stopped himself from mouthing the name silently. It had to be real; it was too ridiculous to be a lie. With L, it actually kind of fit. Who ever heard of christening a child with a single letter? Was that what made L grow up as the socially challenged creature that he was?

"Everyone!" Matsuda exclaimed from a nearby seat. "Look at this."

Light quickly switched off the camera feed on his screen as others approached the computer stations.

Soichiro joined them just as the commotion started.

Light could only hope his elation wasn't showing. This was perfect.

* * *

L's appearance was greeted with nearly unanimous protest.

"What is the meaning of this, Ryuzaki? A permission to use the Death Note in an execution? That's barbarous!"

"That's right, we are not Kira!"

"Chief Yagami, please tell us you won't stand for it."

Soichiro frowned. "Perhaps you would explain, Ryuzaki?"

"We're going to test the notebook." L deftly arranged himself in his chair as usual, pressed a key. "Watari? Excellent work, thank you."

"Not at all, sir."

"Ryuzaki, what are you trying to accomplish by this?" Light asked. _That's right. Just a little more rope._

"There's no point in testing it, we know its power is real!" Aizawa was livid.

"Besides, who is going to do it?" Matsuda asked. "Whoever writes in the notebook will have to obey the thirteen day rule, and keep writing names forever."

"That is the point. The person who will write in the notebook is a criminal currently also scheduled for execution. If after thirteen days he is still alive, he will be pardoned, and we will have learned that the thirteen day rule is false."

"Still, I don't think..."

A predatory look replaced Ryuzaki's soft-spoken manner. "We're very close. If we work this out, the entire case will be solved!"

The room was suddenly bathed in red emergency lighting.

"Watari? Watari?"

There was no response.

ALL DATA DELETION ran across the screens.

"What is this?" demanded Aizawa.

"I told Watari to prepare this in case something happened to him", L explained, shaken. "Where's the Shinigami!"

"Good question, I don't see it..."

"It disappeared?"

L tried to warn them. "Everyone, the Shiniga-"

Silence. To Light, who stood to the side of him, L looked surprised.


	3. Chapter 3

"No chess grandmaster is normal; they only differ in the extent of their madness."

~ Viktor Korchnoi

* * *

The detective fell down from the chair, grasped desperately at his chest.

"Ryuzaki, what's wrong!" That was Matsuda's voice.

Light was almost instantly on his knees, holding the detective. "Ryuzaki, no!" he begged. "Don't die!"

With his last effort, L pulled up his shirt to expose an emergency belt, like the ones they all wore. Looking intently at Light, he pressed the button.

The case securing the Death Note was instantly on fire. Everyone, including Light, stared at it. The Death Note was destroyed.

"What is going on!" Matsuda shouted.

When Light looked again, L didn't move any more. "Is he dead?" someone asked.

Light rose up. "God, we're next!" He sounded increasingly panicked. "Don't you see? It must have been the Shinigami! We have to find it!"

"Light, how are we going to stop it?"

"I don't know, but we have to try! Maybe we can stop it from writing somehow!"

"He's right! Spread out and search!"

Light ran out, saw the others move as well, drawing their guns. Basic psychology. When about to die helplessly, men like these preferred to go out doing something, no matter how pointless. Good _._ He didn't need anyone staying in the control room, following him on the cameras.

The panic with which he infected the others wasn't entirely faked. L managed to surprise him after all by destroying the Death Note. That had been his only notebook; Misa had the other one. Without owning a Death Note, he would lose all memories related to being Kira. Of course, Misa would remedy that as soon as she figured it out, but he couldn't afford to not be in control at this crucial time.

One of the written rules was, "If the Death Note is burned or destroyed, all who have touched it will die". The task force members were liable to realize what the destruction of the Death Note implied. Most likely, that was L's backup plan for Soichiro in case of L's own death: to undermine Light's proof of innocence by immediately exposing the existence of fake rules. If Soichiro acted quickly, Light and Misa could both get arrested again, and her Death Note might be found while he was unable to prevent it.

He had no idea how long he still had. Losing ownership like this wasn't described in rules he knew. Maybe it was like the deaths themselves, forty seconds?

Nobody except Light had paid attention to Rem sinking through the floor while L was speaking. Good, that meant the basements. The others wouldn't look there first.

With a grim determination, he kept the image of the basement floor and a Death Note in his mind as he ran, hoping that if he lost his memories before he got there, that would keep him going even without understanding why.

* * *

Light picked up the Death Note from a small pile of dust, and smiled. "Is that all that's left of you, Rem?"

Having found it, he felt calmer. He wondered if his actions made him look stupid or worse, suspect. No matter, as soon as he got this notebook secreted away from the headquarters, he could take as long as he needed to smooth over any suspicions. There was no longer any L around to see through him. There was just one man left alive who had been let into L's plans to some degree, and to be sure, that man would die next.

Light opened the notebook to a fresh page, and wrote out the name of Soichiro Yagami.

Not a moment too soon. There were footsteps coming from the stairs. He quickly hid the notebook under his shirt, made sure it didn't show.

"Matsuda, over here!"

"Light, did you find anything?"

"Nothing. Is everyone alive?"

"I think so. I guess if the Shinigami did want to kill us all, we'd all be dead by now."

"I agree." Light affected embarrassment. "I don't know what I was thinking. I just saw Ryuzaki hit the floor and I panicked."

Matsuda laughed nervously. "You panicked? I'm still not out of panic. Think, L is dead!"

"Calm down. We're still alive. We'll pick up the pieces... Will you put away that gun?"

"Yeah, sorry, Light."

They started walking back, Matsuda a few steps behind him.

* * *

The last two people Light expected to see waiting for them were his father and L.

"Checkmate", said L.

Light stared, but recovered almost instantly. "Ryuzaki, thank goodness you're alive! What's happening?"

"Sorry, Light, that is not going to work any more. Your father knows the truth now."

 _What? How?_ Well, his father would die any moment now. Then he'd just need to surprise Matsuda...

"We followed you on the cameras and we saw everything. You can take that notebook out now, Light." Soichiro sounded weary.

It must have been over forty seconds now! Was the notebook fake? Was L framing him for lack of real evidence?

"Light, perhaps you will begin to understand when I say that both your father and I had the same protection", L explained in an almost amiable tone. "I apologise, Chief Yagami, but I anticipated that this would happen, and you were the one person I couldn't afford to let die today. I would have asked you, but I knew you are an honourable man who would never believe how ruthless his own son has become."

Soichiro was speechless.

Light had trouble rallying his senses. _Think!_ Did L write his and Soichiro's names in the actual Death Note? No way to tell even if he had the freedom to check, the thing was ashes now. When would he have done this?

"You see, Light, I had reason to think you'd subverted the surveillance system, and you confirmed it for me when you followed me to the rooftop last night. You were prepared to see me die soon, and any unexpected move of mine had to alert you."

_Bastard... I must find a way out of this! There's only three of them here, and only one really dangerous. Should I write Matsuda's name in the notebook? No... just a few minutes ago he was pumped enough to try shooting a Shinigami, there's no way I'll be fast enough for him right now._

_Can I get him on my side? Even for a moment?_

"After you ran out, I stopped playing dead and called your father back. I had him contact Matsuda and send him to your location, just so his presence would stop you from writing too many names in the notebook. I didn't know how far you'd go. When we saw him find you, we came here ourselves. You had written one name by then. From your look earlier, I take it it was your father's? Why not take out the notebook and show him?"

Light just stood there for a moment, letting the tension build. Finally, he nodded.

"That's right", Light said. "Yes. I am Kira."

L didn't change expression.

Soichiro's face became stone.

"Light... why?" Matsuda sank to his knees.

This was Light's chance. They thought him defenceless. He turned around to face Matsuda. _Perfect._ L and his father were behind him now, and not able to see him reaching for his wrist. If he could just keep Matsuda from doing anything for a minute...

"Matsuda, I thought you of all people would understand. This world is rotten. It cannot be saved by law alone. All the time, criminals persecute innocent people, and go unpunished because of a good lawyer or because some lazy bastard cop didn't do his job properly when gathering evidence. Friends and loved ones leave courts to have murderers laugh in their faces. Is that the world you want? The rot has to be stopped before it kills us all. The cycle of victimisation, you've been taught about it, haven't you? How crime and abuse spreads, hurting more and more people?"

He managed to open the secret compartment in his watch with a soft click, revealing the Death Note clipping. Matsuda was watching him now, looking up like a beaten dog, but he was not saying anything. Good. Light knew his thinking, the doubts that Matsuda had, how he had seen a measure of justice in Kira's cause.

Matsuda didn't need to be ultimately convinced, just kept listening long enough not to realize who his target really was. All he needed was his gun.

"I am going to change it, Matsuda. I'm already changing it. Since I received the Death Note, crime has dropped by 70%. Has anything like this ever been achieved before? Is that really something you want to oppose?"

He pricked his skin, prepared to write on the clipping in his own blood.

The young man drew his gun almost instantly, aimed and fired. An excellent marksman, he hit the wrist he was aiming at... but the bullet continued on and went into Light's chest.

Light fell onto his back.

"Light!" Soichiro ran to his son, tried to hold him up. "Light!"

Ryuzaki calmly crouched beside them, eyeing the wristwatch with interest.

Aizawa and Mogi appeared at the end of the corridor, alerted by the shot.

Light was dying.

"Father... I'm doing it all for you. For... everything that you've taught me. You've always despised injustice and tried to protect the innocent. Didn't you... didn't you feel powerless whenever the unjust... went free, despite all your efforts? I'm the one who does what nobody else can do!" He screamed, cradled in his father's arms. "I can't die here!"

He went into agony, spasmed. Matsuda lowered his gaze. Soichiro cried openly. "God damn it!"


	4. Chapter 4

"They pose as humans even though they have no understanding of the human heart; they eat even though they've never experienced hunger; they study even though they have no interest in academics; they seek friendship even though they do not know how to love. If I were to encounter such monsters, I would likely be eaten by them... because in truth, I am that monster."

~L

* * *

The Death Note piece from Light's watch made any further doubt impossible. Light was Kira.

With everyone present, Ryuzaki was filling in the details. "The Shinigami clearly preferred to do as little for Light as possible. Mostly it acted as a go-between. When Light's plan required that he wasn't the one acting as Kira, it passed the notebook to someone like Higuchi. When that person outlived their usefulness, they were killed. That way the notebook's ownership returned to Light."

"So Misa wasn't the Second Kira after all!" Matsuda sounded happy about that.

L picked up a gingerbread man from his plate of sweets and bit its head off. The trick was to tell as few lies as possible. His reputation was built upon cases that were truly solved, not just by writing fictional reports that satisfied bureaucrats; it pained him to deceive at all, even if it was necessary to save Misa as he'd agreed.

"Amane was a false trail for us. It gave Light more time to get closer to me. It also made me look bad in front of all of you for the way I interrogated her. Whoever the Second Kira was, they're dead now."

Aizawa nodded. "But at the end, the Shinigami was writing down names itself?"

"At the end, we had Light's notebook locked up here, at the headquarters. He could neither use it, nor pass it on. That's why he had to persuade the Shinigami to write names for him for a while. I have no doubt it included some concession on his part."

He'd only lie about the specific facts of the case, which would soon be nothing but the past. It would be irresponsible and contrary to everything he believed in to mislead about the actual principles involved: the rules of the Death Note and those governing the Shinigami. If the threat ever re-emerged in the future...

"It was all part of his plan. He was preparing to take over my role as L. To do that, he needed to win your trust, and at the same time impress us all with his abilities as a detective. Solving the Third Kira case was crucial for him. He cleared his name with the false 13-day rule, then he proved himself by helping catch Higuchi. His actions even led us to witness a Shinigami. By then you were all prepared to trust him, weren't you?"

The silence was uncomfortable.

"It is clear to me that Shinigami want any human owner of a Death Note to end up actually using it. Similarly, they want the owner to make the Eye deal, which means they will not give up other people's names to the user. That would remove the incentive to trade for the Eyes. Please recall how it managed to make the trade with Higuchi when he realized he was cornered. This indicates that even when Light actually managed to get Rem to write for him, he still had to supply the names to write." He paused, letting the implications sink in, then finished. "I used that against him, by making him think he had my real name."

L reflected on how his plans doubled in complexity when Rem involved herself and demanded Misa's freedom. One layer of deception to fool Light, then another to fool the task force members about how he fooled Light. Pretending to let Light see his name had served the latter purpose.

If Near, Mello, or any of the other potential successors undergoing training, were to come up with a plan for any hypothetical problem with as many elements as this one involved, L would be tempted to tear it to pieces so brutally that at least Mello would sulk for the rest of the day. Good plans, just like good machines, weren't complicated; the more moving parts, the more likelihood that something would fail. The most genius plans managed to fool an intelligent opponent while remaining remarkably simple.

Still, sometimes the mess you had to fix just didn't lend itself to an elegant solution. Accepting the challenge of saving Misa had made it that kind of a mess.

"What did happen to the Shinigami, anyway?" asked Matsuda.

"Ah, well, on that matter I can give you an incomplete truth, or a convincing story. Which do you prefer?"

"Er, truth, please."

"Very well. Light Yagami discovered something that should have been impossible, that is, how to dispose of a Shinigami. What's more, he had good reason to believe that if he did that, the Shinigami's notebook would be left behind. No doubt you noticed, when you reviewed the camera recordings, that Light expected precisely this to happen. As soon as I destroyed the Death Note here, which left him precariously without ownership of one, he decided to run out and look for the other one. He very clearly expected the Shinigami would already be gone, but the notebook would remain for the first person to find it. If he got away with that, resuming the role of Kira would have been even easier for him."

Aizawa spoke up. "But the notebook he picked up wasn't real? Earlier you said that you and Chief Yagami will not die after all. How did you manage to switch it?"

"What Light didn't guess was that I had figured out his plan, and I was able to remove Rem from the equation before he did. That allowed me to fake my own death, and gave Watari time to plant the fake notebook for Light to find. As to how exactly Light wanted to kill the Shinigami, and how I got rid of it instead, that is the part which I will not be explaining. It is not pertinent to the case, since we were investigating the deaths of humans rather than Shinigami. That's why I decided that I can withhold this information without failing my duties as a detective."

He smiled. "I'm sorry. I _really_ don't want more Shinigami coming after me, angry for divulging such a secret."

"Well, I guess we won't be prosecuting a god of death", Matsuda blurted. "But at least we solved the case. We know Light was Kira. We even know how Higuchi died." He motioned in the direction of the bloody paper clipping. "And I didn't think we'd ever figure that one out."

He frowned, stopped by a new thought. "You know, I can barely think of how we mistreated Misa. And she was innocent all along."

It earned Ryuzaki some hard stares. He nodded, hiding his satisfaction at seeing them. _I've won._

"I find it regrettable as well. For whatever it's worth, I will be apologising to her as best I can."

Soichiro came to his defence. "You _were_ right about everything else. Most importantly, as much as it pains me to say it, about Light."

That got a grim nod out of Matsuda.

Soichiro continued, "But what interests me is this. You said that the notebook in which Light wrote my name was a fake. However, you also said it was likely that Rem's real notebook would remain behind. Did it?"

Ryuzaki smiled again, in that disarming way of his. "It is in the safe-box over there. Watari has the keys." He reached for the keyboard. "Watari? Could you please come down to us? Bring the keys to the safe-box."

"As you wish, sir."

* * *

The names in the notebook indeed matched those of the criminals that had died.

"And just what do you intend to do with it?" Aizawa turned back from the computer, reluctantly gave the notebook back to L.

"Destroy it, of course. In fact, would someone please pass me a lighter?"

Evidently that was not what Aizawa expected. He reached into his pocket.

"Wait a minute, Ryuzaki! Legally, that's evidence." Soichiro said.

"Legally," he said with emphasis, "we do not have a case to prosecute, gentlemen. It's over."

He stared them down.

"This is a murder weapon, perhaps the worst this world has ever seen. Certainly the most tempting I can think of. We simply cannot take any unnecessary risks with it. It's like a cobalt bomb that can't be disarmed. I dread to imagine it lost, stolen in transport by someone less scrupulous than us. In fact, I don't even want any of your superiors to have a chance to put their hands on it. I have no doubt you can see why."

He saw hesitant nodding. His words were taking effect. Finally, Soichiro nodded his assent, as well.

"Now, can I have that lighter, please?"

* * *

It was true that the Kira case could not be wrapped up as neatly as he'd like, but he had been ready for that ever since he'd accepted that supernatural elements were involved. No statement would be made to the general public. Official internal reports would be brief and circumspect. Kira has been located and executed. Police Chief Yagami's son Light died while assisting the Task Force. The murder weapon presented a hazard and was destroyed. Everything else was highly classified.

The few high rank officials who were going to receive real reports would appreciate and sanction the cover-up. Any chance to officially prove the notebooks were real was gone, but that was just as well. Ethical issues aside, making a matter like this public would be an embarrassment.

He considered whether, with how legally unpresentable the outcome was, he might have trouble collecting some of his promised fees. No, he had few worries in that department.

He gave brief thought to his fame as a detective. This was, after all, his greatest case. He could announce himself openly as the man who defeated Kira, maybe even with another voice-masked TV broadcast. With the murders stopping, it would be believed.

On the other hand, he didn't want crime to sky-rocket immediately again. Better to let the world have doubts for a while, so the police forces of the world could gradually pick up the old burden of fighting crime without Kira. And people did remember his challenge to Kira on TV, so many would guess the truth anyway, just as they had guessed the existence of Kira in the first place. Yes. The world would at least suspect.

In the end, what really mattered to L was that he knew the truth. He had been right all along. He won the game, solved the puzzle, defeated Kira. He was still alive. And lastly, he succeeded in keeping his promise regarding Misa Amane.

L knew that Misa had a long and painful healing process ahead of her. Would it happen, would she ever mend? He made certain nobody would tell her the truth about Light. Light was her love and Kira was her champion; losing both meant two painful but finite tragedies that she may or may not live through. Light-as-Kira was her god, and losing _that_ would kill her for sure.

He had no illusions concerning his own feelings for her. Of course, a man like him shouldn't be into loud, clingy airheads, but there it was. That cute smile got to him every time, even more so since it usually wasn't meant for him. Besides, there were things about her that he did respect. She had remarkable strength, the way she endured everything until Light's death. And she was smarter than she let on, cunning even, although her impulsive nature often prevented her from using her brains properly. To put it mildly.

But really, it was that smile, those lips. And those eyes. The way he imagined her arms would feel if she wrapped them around him...

Such feelings were not strange to him. They were phenomena like any other, projected upon the screen of consciousness: to be observed, understood, and not reacted to without reason. Except when, rarely, showing them was of some use, like that one time when he was trying to enlist Misa's aid against the Third Kira. He'd caused her to feel appreciated and she kissed him on the cheek, a pleasant memory if there ever was one. "I could actually fall for you", he admitted then. How very true.

How very inconsequential.

"All went according to your plan, did it?"

He turned around from the computer desk.

"Rem. I wasn't sure I'd see you again," Ryuzaki lied. He reached to one of the plates, picked up an apple, offered it to her. "Did you get what you wanted out of this?"

"Misa is free. You have lived up to your end of the bargain." Rem surprised him by actually trying the apple. He couldn't tell whether she enjoyed it. "And it is good that I didn't end up having to write Light Yagami's name myself."

"You did well, too." He was referring to her phasing the other notebook into the safe-box without anyone noticing, after the cat-burglar Wedy had stolen it from Misa.

Rem nodded in thanks.

He touched a thumb to his lips. "I find it interesting that you wanted Misa to lose the notebook."

The Shinigami stared at him.

"I noticed you only agreed to my plan when it included that element. Your own survival didn't seem to concern you as much as that did," he explained.

Rem hesitated before answering. "A Death Note brings misfortune and pain to any human who picks it up. We have seen this in every human who ever possessed one. I regretted giving it to Misa Amane."

He tapped his lips, pretended to think about it.

The Death Note was a strongly corrupting influence. Soichiro Yagami, whose moral compass was more reliable than most, had come up with that idea early in the investigation. Ryuzaki confirmed it for himself by comparing Light Yagami's personality before, during and after his memory gambit. He just wasn't sure if the notebook was supernaturally predisposed that way, or perhaps the power it gave simply unhinged the user's personality. His logical mind preferred the latter answer. The former appeared vulnerable to Occam's Razor. But he wasn't sure.

"So this sort of a thing has happened before?" he asked.

No answer. So much for learning something new. _Let's poke from another angle, then._

"It appears she is having her share of pain now."

Rem glared at him. "I believe that from the moment she took up the Death Note, it was inevitable that she would suffer. It's just a question of how much."

"Why did you give it to her in the first place?"

Silence.

"You only came to care for her afterwards. And now you allied with me to cut your losses, or rather, hers."

"Do you think I will end up regretting it?"

Ryuzaki put a piece of candy in his mouth, swallowed it. He knew what Rem was really asking about.

"I don't know. It's good that we managed to clear her of suspicion." It didn't hurt to remind Rem that he made that possible. "You saw how much sympathy she's been getting from the others. The Yagami family share the loss of Light with her. And Matsuda is Matsuda. It just might help if she isn't without friends during the worst of it. That's all I could do."

Of course, he wasn't being entirely truthful. There were things better for Rem not to know while still in the human world.


	5. Chapter 5

"Cruel when she is most kind, unthinking while she thinks, and when she seeks to build she is as destructive as a Coriolis storm."

~ Frank Herbert

* * *

Misa never really liked overthinking things. Her life worked well enough while she kept it simple and practical. Around others she was just Misa Amane, the model, a toned down version of the Misa-Misa persona: a little less bubbly and a lot more hardworking. The people she worked with never had reason to complain about fame going to her head. They didn't need to know that a big part of the reason she was so committed to her job was that it kept her too busy to brood about her parents.

Misa Amane thought herself genuine enough; being charming and kind to others came naturally. And she did enjoy seeing the faces of others light up, the way she was able to infect a whole group with her animated personality. Of course, her acting skills helped greatly when she was too drained and annoyed by a long day of work to truly feel that way.

Privately she was not so shallow. She could think about things seriously and plan in great detail when she felt she had reason to, but she kept to practicalities. Her motivations did not suffer much hair-splitting. It was in her nature to devote herself fully, whether to an ideal or a person. She'd act with full conviction, to the point of recklessness, risk her own life or the lives of others for what she believed in.

Ryuzaki had nailed it when he said her bravery and love for Light were boundless. It was why he enlisted her help in the fight against Kira. She was so grateful to him at the time. It was good to be appreciated for a quality she knew she did possess.

Light's death changed everything. It made her feel betrayed and guilty at the same time. Kira had been her hero, her saviour. Kira had given her justice for her parents' murder, even though the police and the courts had been unable to do so. She had believed in Kira's cause because of that. And then Kira killed her Light. She hated Kira for it, but couldn't help but remember how she had felt before. She discovered that she couldn't just let it go.

Could Kira's cause have been truly just, if it led to people suffering like she suffered?

She spent many fruitless hours on the Internet, trying to investigate a sample of Kira's victims, wondering how many of them were innocent of the crimes of which they had been convicted, or even merely accused. How many lives were ruined the way hers was? How many people cried their eyes out night after night for weeks, mourning the death of a loved one who wasn't even a bad person? After all, Kira had no way of his own to deliver perfect judgement on people; it was known that Kira relied on information released by official sources and, when those sources started drying up, on Internet leaks.

It was no use. She had little knowledge of the intricacies of the law, and no real way to ascertain the truth of even a single controversial case. As to news, she was not so dim as to be unaware that they were spun to make good stories, and thus not reliable.

She changed her approach. She met with Toda Matsuda a few times, and gradually coaxed the young man into telling her everything about the Kira investigation. That proved more enlightening. She learned about the killed FBI agents. She cried when she learned about Raye Penber and Naomi Misora; it was her story all over again, except she got to keep living with her pain while Naomi was presumed to have died fighting Kira. And of course, she was reminded about the TV presenters who had been killed just for opposing Kira's views.

Misa came to see Kira as a well-intended murderer, but murderer nonetheless. Someone who went for the simple solution. The world was far too complicated and imperfect to allow that to work. Put enough force behind a crude solution and you do a lot of collateral damage. She used to think that was acceptable, sacrifices must be made.

Tunnel vision, that's what it was. She genuinely had no desire to cause hurt. But this applied to those she personally interacted with. The problem of "necessary sacrifices" causing undeserved pain to real people didn't bother her because she never had to really think about these other people. On an emotional level, they had never existed.

Until she became one of these people herself.

"You look awfully gloomy", her manager remarked. "Is everything all right?"

Misa's thoughts returned to the present. She got up, brought a faint smile to her face. "Thank you for asking. It's just some memories."

The other woman nodded. There had been supposedly well-founded rumours of a handsome and young boyfriend of Misa's who had been a policeman and died trying to stop Kira, but to pry would have been impolite. Instead, she smiled back. "Well, the photoshoot is over, it's time for us to go."

On the way out, Misa gave everyone her customary "Thank you all for your help!" It _had_ been a long day for her, but Misa would not let that show.

The crowd on the set responded with varied levels of cheer.

Few people knew Misa well enough to fully appreciate the change in her since the events of the previous year. She had not returned to work until the worst of her despair was contained. And in company her disposition didn't alter that much; Misa Amane was Misa Amane, and just couldn't be completely dampened.

Insofar as she was, this was interpreted as maturing, which she actually thought was fair enough. That meshed well with where her career was heading. Of course Misa-Misa was still seen as a teen idol, but that wouldn't last forever, and not all idols succeeded at growing out of that persona. But Misa was already dabbling in more serious modelling, and her manager was busy securing her a major movie role.

It would have all been almost tolerable. If only during all that Misa wasn't worrying about going insane.

* * *

It started with her investigation into Kira. Some of what Matsuda said didn't make sense to her. She couldn't remember some events he spoke of, while others she remembered quite differently, and that was a frightening thing. Poor Matsu could see that he had upset her, and it took effort to get him to stop excusing himself and actually tell her as much as he knew. Even so, he was clearly keeping something from her.

It confirmed a feeling she'd had all that time, but couldn't name until then: something was missing. It was as if chunks of her life had been ripped out. There were things she couldn't remember, but she was sure they were important. Whatever it was, it had a lot to do with Light.

Still, she tried to go on with her life. Matsuda believed that it was trauma, some memories being too painful to remain. On the surface this explanation was satisfactory. Maybe she should have looked into therapy, as he also suggested, with some embarassment for both of them.

But in truth she was convinced none of this was the answer. Everyday life felt increasingly unreal. The longer she tried to ignore it, the more she felt like she couldn't go on like that any more. She couldn't quite tell why, but she felt used, as if she'd been played like a pawn and kept in the dark about what really happened.

Perhaps there was a reason for this. She did know a man who treated people that way.

"Ryuzaki."

"Hello, Misa Amane. How did you ever convince Chief Aizawa to give you my current phone number?"


	6. Chapter 6

"You know he can't make a difference, right?"

Rem shot the approaching Shinigami an annoyed glare. That only made his grin widen.

"He can't change her fate. Only a Death Note could do it. Whatever he does down there is already accounted for."

"What do you want, Ryuk?"

"Now don't look at me like that. Personally, I don't know what you're so worried about. You can see her lifespan just as well as I can. This Gelus must have been a hard worker. I'm the one who should be complaining."

Rem rolled her eyes, but said nothing. She kept her attention on the portal showing the human world.

Death Notes interfered with fated lifespans of humans, usually by shortening them. A person whose name was written down died before their time, and this affected others as well. What a god of death saw for those others was their original lifespans. The numbers would only adjust if a trade for Shinigami Eyes was made. Or, as Misa's case proved, if a Shinigami's sacrifice added its own remaining years to a human life.

Light Yagami had been such a powerful influence on Misa's life, that now it was impossible to tell how long she really had left to live. For all Rem knew, Misa could jump off a bridge tomorrow.

Ryuk would know this. He was goading the other Shinigami on purpose. If Misa's lifespan were to prove significantly shorter than they could see, it would be at least partly Rem's fault.

He went on. "After all, you cheated me out of the most interesting human to ever possess a Death Note. I'm sure he had a lot more left to do. I should have told on you to the old man."

He chewed on a piece of a Shinigami apple, then grimaced. "Say what you want about humans, Rem, their world has its good sides. And now I have no excuse to be down there much any more."

Rem didn't bother to inform Ryuk that she was rather pleased with that particular fact.

"Unless I acquire a new notebook."

He bit into the tasteless fruit.

"Say, you still feel attached to her, right? What are the chances that human's there to shorten her life?"

"You're trying my patience, Ryuk."

"I'm bored. You know, I almost wish I hadn't done the trade with that girl. It would have been interesting to see a human live that long."

Another bite.

"How does that work, anyway? You understand these things better than I do. Would it make her age slower? Or would she just keep getting more wrinkly and shrivelled up? Meh, maybe I shouldn't regret it after all."

Rem ignored him. She watched. Almost like a proper Shinigami.


	7. Chapter 7

Seeing Misa Amane in person again, Ryuzaki could tell immediately that his choices had narrowed down. This new Misa was alert, perceptive and distrustful to the point of paranoia. Deception wouldn't work. The girl desperately needed closure, a way to make sense out of her world. A fabricated story would not satisfy that.

He could deflect her, refuse answers, but that would be like refusing to offer his hand to a drowning person. If he wanted to do that, he might as well have not agreed to meet her in the first place.

His only alternative was deliberate candor. She must not feel she is grilling him for the truth. It must be clear that he is giving it up because he wants to.

So he told her everything. He told her the parts that were withheld from official reports and public knowledge. He told her about the killer notebook, and about the Shinigami who had the power to bring such into the human world. He saw that she paid attention, but was actually listening as if trying to catch him in a lie.

"You already knew about Shinigami?" He paused, nibbled on his thumb. "Matsuda told you?"

She frowned, suspicious. "Just how did you know I talked to Matsuda?"

"I didn't, until now. It just makes sense. Of all Kira task force members, he'd be the easiest for you to influence."

"I don't want him to get into trouble over this", she said.

"Don't worry about it, he won't. It's not like he's my subordinate, anyway."

"Do you promise, Ryuzaki? You won't say anything?"

"I promise."

So Matsuda must have told her everything except that Light was Kira. She was testing his honesty. His instincts were right about her.

When he told her the truth about Light, it made it one of the most emotionally exhausting days of his life.

* * *

What unnerved him a little was how many questions she asked about his role in Light's downfall. They had sat down on a bench, and she kept her hands on her lap, all elegance. She looked at him as he spoke with thoughtful attention that he found suspiciously gratifying. Misa asked her questions purposefully but delicately, without pressure; he couldn't pretend to take offense.

He understood. He could refuse to answer some of those questions, point out how they were not about the hard facts of the case. But she knew he'd not do that if he didn't want to risk whatever fragile trust he was managing to build between them. She wanted to understand the Kira affair fully, and he was so central to it that understanding his motives was an inseparable part of that. Candor and only candor would work here.

She clearly didn't buy into the idea of the great detective L, Champion of Justice. There was some truth to it, but it was just one facet of the truth. He told her about the others: his competitive nature, how it fuelled the enmity between him and Kira. He admitted he never really liked Light, not even when his memories were gone and he was a real partner in the Yotsuba investigation. He admitted he had been lying to her as well, when he accepted her offer of friendship at that time. He even confirmed that he had been telling the truth about how he could fall for her. (She just had to ask about that one, didn't she?) If just about every circumstance of their lives had been different, of course. She seemed amused. Oh well, it was the past now, and it wasn't sensitive in any real way. Nobody's life would be endangered by telling her about it.

At one point, she gave him the first true surprise in that conversation. She asked him what his real name was. He stared at her, honestly perplexed. Did she really have to do that?

"I'm sorry, Misa. I will not answer that question."

"You won't?"

"No. After all I've told you, you must understand I'd never expose myself that way."

She did not seem disappointed. "I do understand. Thank you for being honest."

So it was another test, and he passed it. He had been correct earlier. She saw through him; very imperfectly, but she did. In truth, he admired the way she managed the conversation.

Since she stopped asking questions, he felt entitled to ask her some of his own. She took this patiently.

After that, she spoke more of herself again, of how she felt about her life, about Light being Kira. Then she cried again, and he held her. There was nothing in this, no matter what the rare passer-by thought, except that she was deeply unhappy and he was there, so what little comfort his shoulder could give her, she could have. That was all.

* * *

He briefly considered offering to walk her home. It was probably the polite thing to do, but that wasn't why. He'd made sure she'd be able to find a way to contact him, he had waited for this conversation for months, and just didn't want to see her disappear from his life yet.

But it was for the best. Even now, it clearly showed that her feelings were only for Light. It was logical that, now that she knew the truth, Ryuzaki's presence would only bring out pain and resentment.

He had made a correct estimation of how her views on Kira would develop. He'd also been correct to assume that she would eventually realize on her own how uninterested Light had been in her. But he had been completely wrong in supposing her heart might catch up to these developments. Of course, he'd never hoped to win her for himself. His more realistic expectation had been that she would at least find some real peace.

Perhaps he could at least remain on the edge of her life, to watch over her. Protect her. Then again, she had already named him 'pervert' before. He felt he didn't need to add 'creepy stalker' to that.

He turned to leave.

"Ryuzaki, wait."

He faced her again. Misa stepped closer to him, tried to speak. Whatever words she wanted weren't coming easily to her. He didn't prompt her, but savored the moment as a pleasure that wouldn't last. She was lovely like this, looking up at his face, eyes still teary.

"Thank you for coming to talk to me about all this", she said finally. "It was good of you."

"You deserved to know."

She smiled bitterly, breaking eye contact. "I suppose I did."

"That is not how I meant it, Misa", he spoke softly. "I didn't come here because I wanted to cause you more pain."

"I know. But I did do all those things you said, didn't I? And it hurts, but I deserve it. Even if I don't remember."

"I'm not sure." He hesitated, then tried again. "If you want to know what I think, I agree with Rem. Don't torture yourself. You were a victim of the Death Note as surely as the people who died by it. So was Light, for that matter. In his own way."

For a moment he wasn't sure if she was still listening to him. Then she looked up at him again.

"Why are you doing this, Ryuzaki? Why are you so kind to me?"

He gave her that deadpan look she knew so well. "I told you I'm your biggest fan, didn't I?"

They laughed together. The laughter was soft, and died quickly; they really weren't in the mood for it. But Misa's smile was no longer so bitter. In fact, there was something about it now that he surely was reading wrong...

"Ryuzaki, you are going to walk me home, right?"

In another world, a Shinigami stared at a viewing portal incredulously. With a reluctant sigh, she removed her hand from her notebook.

* * *

He was not attractive the way Light Yagami had been attractive. Light had been a young demigod: handsome, popular, a top honors student from a good family, with an honest face and a bright future in front of him, simply too perfect - everything Misa needed to immediately become infatuated beyond all reason, shallow as that was. Yet she now knew that, under that pretty surface, he had been a liar, a dissembler, and most importantly, a serial killer.

Actually, most of her intact memories of Light were from the time when he didn't remember being Kira. That Light had been decent enough. But he was also so... uninterested. Not having a reason to manipulate her at the time, he simply didn't care, and avoided her accordingly. She hated herself for still not being quite able to stop aching for the golden boy.

Ryuzaki was his equal but opposite. Just as frighteningly intelligent as Light, the detective was secretive, reclusive, brutally honest when it suited him, but no less a liar and manipulator. His child-like behaviour, the habit of sitting like a gargoyle, his way of eating and holding things, the way he talked, all made him appear weird and alien. Yet, paradoxically, he was more human. His personality and its flaws were easier to connect to. He had a very real sense of the sardonic and he wasn't as pretentious (had she ever seen Light display a sense of humor?). And most importantly - to her - he was capable of caring.

He cared for her. She knew that for certain, and not just because he'd as much as proclaimed it to her in that adorably naive way of his. When he hugged her to his chest, she could tell that he genuinely wanted to soothe her pain, rather than just calm her down so she'd be less of a headache for him. She had no recollection of ever feeling quite the same way as she did in his arms. Safe. Protected. Loved. Not the way her fans loved Misa-Misa; that was silly to even consider, as much as she enjoyed the attention and idol status. They knew nothing about the real Misa Amane. But this man saw her for what she was, and wanted to help her. It was all the more endearing because, despite all his insight, he was so oblivious.

Being at the same time understood and cared for was a new and wonderful feeling. This hadn't happened to her before. If Ryuzaki disappeared now, perhaps it would never happen again. He was the only person in the world who knew, who ever could know, the truth about her.

Once they started walking, she reached fondly, and put her hand in his. He trembled. He trembled! But he didn't try to escape, which was just as well, because Misa was not about to let him go. She understood him too, now.

"Are you hungry?" she asked.

"Starving, actually."

Misa smiled to herself.

She knew it would not be easy. Their radically different lifestyles, personal circumstances, habits, even their different diets were in the way; normally, she'd have concluded immediately that it could never work. But Misa Amane was not one to give up hope once she had it. This was Ryuzaki, and where he was involved, she felt like nothing was impossible.

Between her determination and his brains, they'd find a way.

**Author's Note:**

> Beta-reader credits: Nooro the Tai'isha (not from the Archive), lRinna
> 
> This is my first story I wrote with the intention of sharing it online, back in 2011. I should make some humble disclaimer based on this fact, but I probably didn't get all that much better at writing since then, so there's no point.


End file.
